I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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