you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
