Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
