Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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