the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
