If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
