youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
