I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit dude........stairs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
