Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
