doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
