if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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