I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
