and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
