my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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