I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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