I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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