Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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