Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
