This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
