I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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