yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
