Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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