How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
