I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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