Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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