so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
