I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
