I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
