I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i came on her dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
