dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just gargled with NyQuil
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
