mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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