peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
