I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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