I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
