Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
