Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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