So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
