Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
