the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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