Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
