I got chris browned last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
