There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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