Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
