I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He? As in you personified your dick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
