Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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