A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
