It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
