Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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