I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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