There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
