Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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