She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
whose parrot is this?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
