This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think your dad took our porno
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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