Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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