If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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