In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
