He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
