kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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