You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize