in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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