Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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