you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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