The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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