My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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