found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
