I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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