Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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