note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
