my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
