I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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