8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
