I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
