pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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