I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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