omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we're making bets on your personal life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
