I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
