exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize