I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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